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Marriage

TODAY Youth Survey found that about half of those singles surveyed felt that marriage is important, however, only 44% felt that it is important or very important to have children.

Cost of living, stressful education and lacking quality time are top concerns too. As an older citizen who has been there and done that, I will share some of my thoughts.

None of their findings is new and things are unlikely to get better such as the cost of living coming down or hoping that our education system becoming less stressful etc but as I look back at life, I know that it will help a great deal if we lead a consciously disciplined life with our attitudes and our priorities in life firmly rooted in reality.

If people do not bite off more than they can chew, if they do not get themselves into debt traps due to overconsumption and if they do not waste their lives away over some sweet nothing, then there will be lesser regrets in their older years.

Although Singapore is an expensive place to live, to bring up a young family and make worse by the government’s liberal immigration policies of welcoming foreigners to work here thereby depressing the salaries of too many citizens and job insecurity are here to stay etc, still, alot of what happen to us can be summarised in 2 words, Managing Expectations or more accurately, managing our own expectations.

Yearning for the better things in life is perfectly fine provided we can comfortably afford them but to keep up with the Jones like owning a car, living on credit, spending money not yet earned or going on expensive holidays to impress others etc are not all right. Many younger people dig their own debt traps and wasted much precious resources and many years of their lives unravelling them.

Children’ stressful education is harder to tackle. Although being decently educated is important for everybody, still, to me, our society’s mentality and expectations and placing a premium on good grades and academic excellence is unhealthy, unnecessary and unrealistic. Let me explain.

Personally, much of what I have learnt in school like long multiplication, the first emperor of China or the different stages of a frog’s life from egg to tadpole to a fully grown frog and much more have zero relevant to what I do in my life and what I do for a living today and I believe that I am not alone.

Going forward, what is important and more meaningful is that our children must be decently educated but no need to be ‘obsessively educated’. They must be IT literate, comfortable and competent in this internet age, the ability to learn, to unlearn, to relearn in order to search for information and explore new knowledge etc, all those are more relevant and they are of paramount importance.

To possess grittiness, survival instincts and street-wisdom are so important but these things students don’t learn them from textbooks or in the classroom. Also, never neglect the importance of imparting firm civic conscious grounding to them as they step forth, face the world to make a living.

School grades, academic achievements and certificates are all important things but they shouldn’t count as much in this new age and evolving circumstances and since the government is the biggest employer in Singapore, it must show bold leadership in its hiring practices in this regard in big, sustainable and visible ways. It is doing us no good to be trapped in old mindsets and unable to keep up with evolving circumstances.

Lastly, I want to encourage younger Singaporeans to marry and start their family early if possible.

Like many other things in life, many are prepared but are not ready and although having children earlier in life involve sacrifices and trade-offs, in fact, at any stages in life for that matter, the satisfactions and rewards for them are many folds in their later years.

3 of my NS mates are today young grandfathers and they are still healthy, enjoying life and taking things easy and some others are in a ‘peh lau kia yew’ struggling situations. These are valuable life lessons for younger people here.

Think.

 

Simon Lim

 

 

yyy
READER COMMENTS BELOW

24 Responses to “Marriage”

  • illiterate pap voters:

    Many hold on to useless traditions, when the environment has changed.

    The Chinese in China, most of them, are wise. They dished away the outmoded Confucian traditions that have bound them for centuries.

    In S$m pa pap wage small island, a wife is NOT the must have.

    In ranking order, it is the CAR.

    Next is the wife.

    Next is the child, or 2 children MAXIMUM

    Next is the over priced HDB rental unit.

    If money is tight, buy the car. dish away the wife. If money is not so tight, have the wife but not the child. If money is a bit abundant, have the wife and the child, but live with parents without wasting money on over priced depreciating HDB rental unit.

    Only when S$ is okay, have all of them. If no backbone and join pap to be paid S$m pa pap wage, ok lah, then, upgrade all the way, to R-R car, to good class bungalow.

    hahaha.

    But the pap S$m pa clan is very exclusive. Of the 61% trying to join, only a few hundred make it.

    So, why not just buy the car. If need to ffff, trust us, S$50 Geylang Lor 8 Viet swee swee. Add S$30 can add 30 mins no problem.

    Wife is a very expensive ffff in pap island. Child, or children, are S$ sucking unless making pap S$m pa. So if die die must wife and children, then, don’t complain lah since this is the misery trap in pap island which is for the S$m connected.

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  • A Red-Yellow Commie Banana?:

    @illiterate Pap voters

    (RE: The Chinese in China, most of them, are wise. They dished away the outmoded Confucian traditions that have bound them for centuries.)

    You Maoist-Marxist money-says-all nincompoop!

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  • Sad:

    Finding a wife in sg esp those wannabes and pretty ones is like buying rarities in auctions. Highest bidder wins and if dun want pay so much can import from other countries..just an analogy.

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  • xoxo:

    Cost of living is a direct obstacle to building family.
    Only the daft gahmen dont seem to get it becos they are too well-paid and busy collecting more money from peasants.

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  • Singaporeans R Free Riders:

    illiterate pap voters:
    Many hold on to useless traditions, when the environment has changed.

    Ah contradicting yourselves erh ?

    So why Singaporeans are still rushing to do useless tradition O level, a colonial product ?

    We got India most recognized Uptron diploma.

    And Malaysia had already kick out O level but you are still being milk by them, Ang Mo Tua Kee erh ?….pathetic… now Malaysia had their own education system without being milk by UK.

    http://www.etawau.com/edu/IndexKLEC.htm
    1- Taylor’s University
    2- Sunway University
    3- KDU University College
    4- HELP University
    5- International Medical University

    Oh tell you a secret when I missed my NS in camp training few years back, I was sent to be GD man and guess what, I found out the commander also got no O level…. hahahahaha..

    We are Singaporeans. Say no to Chinese Chee Ko Pek politics of eat, drink, man,woman.

    1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSaCIGOVw98
    2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEh2ObsgJp0

    PAP supporters please print/distribute/share my post.
    In Dollar$ We Tru$t. Prai$e the Dollar$. Glory be with the Dollar$

    GE2024.PAP.Guarantee.Win.Again
    Majullah $PAP$ $PAP$ Huat$ Huat$ Huat$
    Singaporeans must be Cheaperer, Betterer, Fasterer

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  • Gaik Cheng is Silly indeed:

    People get into debt traps becos they want respect and approval from others.
    How often have you encountered peopple who ask you how much you earn, where you stay. All designed to find out your social status.

    They look unimpressed or disappointed if you stay HDB, earn $3000 etc.

    That’s why it’s good to be unsociable in Spore. It’s bad for your health to hang out with toxic people who will always think you aren’t good enough for them.

    All these car, condos, laanded actually very cheap overseas. People here bend over backwards to buy all these just to be respectable.

    Just tell those stupiak facks who don’t approve of you to Fack the fiack off.

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  • Singaporeans R Free Riders:

    Gaik Cheng is Silly indeed:
    People get into debt traps becos they want respect and approval from others.
    How often have you encountered peopple who ask you how much you earn, where you stay. All designed to find out your social status.

    Well said.. clap..clap..

    All these how lian people only got themselves to blame for the stress they self create it by trying to keep up with the Jones.

    I knew of a humble colleague who is drawing 9K but still live in 3-room HDB.

    I ask him why he never follow trend to live in condo.

    This colleague gave me a very wise answer : I preferred to be cash rich when I retired and not be burdened with loans at a senior age.

    Gaik Cheng is Silly indeed:
    They look unimpressed or disappointed if you stay HDB, earn $3000 etc.

    That’s why it’s good to be unsociable in Spore. It’s bad for your health to hang out with toxic people who will always think you aren’t good enough for them.

    All these car, condos, laanded actually very cheap overseas. People here bend over backwards to buy all these just to be respectable.

    Just tell those stupiak facks who don’t approve of you to Fack the fiack off.

    Just lead the live you are comfortable with..

    No need to compare with this guy and that guy and get yourselves stress out with all sort of mental health problems.

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  • Marriage what Money?:

    Most expensive city in the world to live in during pre-covid years (up there with Tokyo,Paris,Hong Kong), but lowest of median wages among developed countries. This is evidence for the Oxfam inequality index ranking for Singapore at 104th place; which commoner can’t feel the heavy drain on her monthly income?
    The CPF is a sham retirement fund that’s been hijacked by big Corp for their capital pool thru the monstrously high public hdb flat prices, and the you-can’t-use-yet Medisave debacle….. Pappy ceos really impoverish citizen sheeples for their own ve$ted intere$t$.
    Marriage has been turned into a major decades-long financial encumbrance that effectively leaves the joys of conjugal love between a man and a woman as wayside considerations. Your HDB is merely a contingent “asset” dears…. they’ve been conniving to drain your retirement savings till kingdom come.

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  • large parcels of greenery:

    //If people do not bite off more than they can chew, if they do not get themselves into debt traps due to overconsumption and if they do not waste their lives away over some sweet nothing, then there will be lesser regrets in their older years.//

    yes, being responsible means NOT having TO BITE OFF more than one can chew ?? first, the white monkey idiots talks about being responsible for this and that and retirement this and that ??

    yet sinkie land is one of the most expensive places in the surrounding region, also the reason why many chat-ba-lang people from the surrounding region gravitate to sinkie land to outcompete daft sinkies (wage arbitrage first then build competence to completely compete away daft sinkies jobs) ??

    so TFR of daft sinkies land is below replacement rate of 2.1 in fact sinkie land tfr abt 1.2 ??? but hor white idiots go for 6.9m or 10m open-leg policy to “address” this problem hor hor hor ?? else why would large parcels of greenery is being slaughtered if not to build housing and infrastructures to cater for a planned increase of population ???

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  • Tremendous:

    Marriage is getting more and more remote in the village.
    At the rate the chiefs run the place, the population disaster in exactly
    5 YEARS’ time is on target. The chiefs try to pare down the senior population with the disease but they didn’t make up with the babies. It will be the same problem.

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  • bodoe:

    Even HDB meant for ordinary singaporeans are in the hundreds of thousand dollars!
    5-rooms selling at $1.2 million when I bought mine for under $100K.

    $3K salary barely enough ,what more $1K as opined by PAP’s running puppy$ who earn big bucks and live in landed while owning another one or two condos?

    Hypocrites!

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  • Singaporeans R Free Riders:

    Sad:
    …and if dun want pay so much can import from other countries..just an analogy.

    Hahaha… import from other countries ?

    I know of 2 old chee ko pek uncle went to marry Viet and Thai… they let the chee ko pek uncle siok siok 2 years and after that disappear without a single trace…

    Hahaha in the end the old chee ko pek uncle lose more for using his d1ck to think.

    This is the very reason why all the chee ko pek uncle want their
    cpf back at 55.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEh2ObsgJp0

    Beware, if you vote in Opposition, you will get chee ko pek uncle (duds) as your MP and ministers and Singapore will be overrun with gangster.

    You get that alternative and you’ll never put Singapore together again: Humpty Dumpty cannot be put together again…

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  • Ab is Back Again:

    What is needed is some changes to the law. Europe has practically done away with marriage. a primary concern is about house, inheritance, money needing to be shared should a marriage not work out. I propose that if separation or divorce happens in first 2 years, nobody gets anything from the other person. After that, there can be a 10% of assets every year that get into the common pool that need to be shared. kind of similar concept as vesting of employee stock options. so only after 12 years, the entire asset base is to be divided. which is fair, if a marriage had lasted 12 years. it is a bona-fide marriage. People do not like pre – nuptials as that sows a doubt right from start, and is a kill joy for the romance. With regards to children, both person share the responsibility in same proportion to their asset base. custody is a separate process.

    secondly, instead of tax breaks for the well off, child allowance would be a better approach.

    With these changes, I believe the young adults (and especially the unmarried middle age) would look at marriage, and children, in a different light

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  • when they need it:

    //Beware, if you vote in Opposition, you will get chee ko pek uncle (duds) as your MP and ministers and Singapore will be overrun with gangster.//

    aiyoh. funny hor, the two chee ko peks are happening under the nose (aka one-curry party function rule ??) of the white monkey idiots’ stay lar ???

    //This is the very reason why all the chee ko pek uncle want their
    cpf back at 55.//

    aiyoh. not only “chee ko pek uncles” want their money ?? anyone’s whose money belongs to them also wants control and want them back as and when they need it lar ???

    //You get that alternative and you’ll never put Singapore together again: Humpty Dumpty cannot be put together again…//

    aiyoh ?? so you think sinkie land is the same like 20 to 30 years ago ??? it keeps on changing under the white monkey idiots also lar – more so with all the open-leg policy ??

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  • xoxo:

    Starting a family is one thing,maintaining ta marriage is another.
    Divorce rate is up and rising .
    Adultery is not the only major cause.
    Financial difficulties arising from joblessness is a grave impetus.
    This being exacerbated by escalating cost of living in a down-trending standard og living environment for CITIZENS ,a direct consequence of RECKLESS N RUTHLESS FT POLICY IMPLEMENTATION.

    THE POPULATION PROBLEM HERE WAS CAUSED BY DAFT TWO-CHILD POLICY and made worse by IRRATIONAL COL N LABOUR POLICY.
    BOTH LKY N HIS SON HAS A PART IN IT.

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  • Men's Chartered:

    Before you embark into the marital journey, do look at the divorce rate. It is getting higher every year. Look at the reasons why the rate is so high. Majority cases are monetary problem.

    If wife stay at home, she can claim equal share, if the husband stay at home, he is deemed irresponsible – zero claim. This is the problem with having the Women’s Chartered.

    Men are always disadvantaged. With more men having higher education, this f**king WC’s rule is a turn off. Don’t get married is the right choice.

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  • Staying Singleporeans:

    Singleporeans are defined as unmarried or divorced Singaporeans with no children.

    Reasons for staying Single:

    1. Unemployed

    2. Underemployed, mismatched job

    3. Low income

    4. Incessantly escalating Cost of Living

    5. No desire for opposite sex

    6. Too costly to raise a child and the education system is artificially too stressful for young children

    7. Graduated but can’t secure a decently
    matched job

    8. Sick with underlying disease/ medical conditions

    9. Taking care of sick parents and/or siblings

    10.Demanding work schedule and commitment

    And list goes on….
    Please add.

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  • Harder Truths:

    On the other hand FT love to come to $G and breed like rabbits. No prizes to figure out that locals will end up in the National Museum under the header ‘extinct species of the Straits Settlements’.

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  • Stupiak femmes:

    And then knowing you are still struggling to buy your own home or even hold on to your job, they’ll tell you casually, :”so and so’s bustard son/daughter already bought their own flat…” And then look very pleased with themselves for telling you.

    All these young people start working buy house buy car, so their parents can brag to relatives about their success. NO CLASS.

    And I had a stupiak woman ask me :”why don’t you have an English name?”
    Reply :”becoos I’m not ang mo lah stupid.” Tactless cow.

    All these people are a bundle of pretense, like a theater show. Except people will not applaud, but throw stones at them in their hearts.

    Good for you colleague.

    Singaporeans R Free Riders: Well said.. clap..clap..

    All these how lian people only got themselves to blame for the stress they self create it by trying to keep up with the Jones.

    I knew of a humble colleague who is drawing 9K but still live in 3-room HDB.

    I ask him why he never follow trend to live in condo.

    This colleague gave me a very wise answer : I preferred to be cash rich when I retired and not be burdened with loans at a senior age.

    Just lead the live you are comfortable with..

    No need to compare with this guy and that guy and get yourselves stress out with all sort of mental health problems.

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  • Stupiak femmes:

    Ya lor all these females are about gender equality hor? I heard of many instances that women ask for the men to buy them a flat before they go ROM.

    After marriage, the house actually belongs to the woman and she can kick the man out anytime.

    They only cry gender issues when it suited them. Basically females are even more sexist and chauvanistic than men. They are always the ones to say men should be a certain way, should fill a certain role and give way to women. It’s always about what men should do for women.

    See the way the ladies’ parents negotiate dowry is like selling daughter. Marriage is what women can get out of it. Mecenaries.

    Men's Chartered:
    Before you embark into the marital journey, do look at the divorce rate. It is getting higher every year. Look at the reasons why the rate is so high. Majority cases are monetary problem.

    If wife stay at home, she can claim equal share, if the husband stay at home, he is deemed irresponsible – zero claim. This is the problem with having the Women’s Chartered.

    Men are always disadvantaged. With more men having higher education, this f**king WC’s rule is a turn off. Don’t get married is the right choice.

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  • UNAFFORDABLE BTOs:

    Staying Singleporeans:
    Singleporeans are defined as unmarried or divorced Singaporeans with no children.

    Reasons for staying Single:

    1. Unemployed

    2. Underemployed, mismatched job

    3. Low income

    4. Incessantly escalating Cost of Living

    5. No desire for opposite sex

    6. Too costly to raise a child and the education system is artificially too stressful for young children

    7. Graduated but can’t secure a decently
    matched job

    8. Sick with underlying disease/ medical conditions

    9. Taking care of sick parents and/or siblings

    10.Demanding work schedule and commitment

    And list goes on….
    Please add.

    Skyrocketing prices of BTOs pegged closely to Open Market flats are the main worries that hinder young people from getting married. Subsidies are somewhat mere digits, somehow clawed back upon selling in OM.

    BTO units are small; value zilched upon lease expiry. What ‘appreciation of asset value’,as promised,is there to appreciate.

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  • callously mouthed off:

    //All these young people start working buy house buy car, so their parents can brag to relatives about their success. NO CLASS.//

    aiyoh. the next benchmark is to work towards > 500k pa or one may be labelled as mediocre ??

    that is how our arrogant white monkey leadership has callously mouthed off certain statements without knowing the implications on daft sinkies and how FTs look at it (like FTs create jobs for daft sinkes and now all sorts of chat-ba-lang talents are now flooding sinkie land to ‘steal’ daft sinkies lunches thanks to 6.9m or 10mopen-leg policy ??) ???

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  • for the future generations:

    //Skyrocketing prices of BTOs pegged closely to Open Market flats//

    open market ??

    creating supply of buildings by having min reserved land price and flow of building approvals ???

    while creating demand by having open-leg policy ??

    in sinkie land, much is pseudo open-market where the white idiots are making all the chess moves ?? garment intervention & involvement is sometimes good to make things equitable BUT not because of plenty of rent seeking and the wayang policies (hence inflating the costs of living relative to other competing countries making it harder for the future generations )???

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  • Pap has the mandate:

    The current situation in Singapore is all setup by Stinkies themselves. They voted for PAP. As for me, it is great to travel around the world and enjoy international pussies…..lol

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