By Seah Chiang Nee from The Straits Times
No contract, no marriage, no legal complications. The woman just moves in as part-time mistress and home minder.
Big Brother Chen, can you help me find a boyfriend as soon as possible?
This appeal was made to an old acquaintance of mine one recent night by a Chinese immigrant, who was working as a beer promoter.
For those unfamiliar with the latest social changes brought about by the influx of mainland Chinese here, the request might sound baffling, but not to my friend. He had heard it several times before.
What the middle-age lady wanted was to be introduced to a Singaporean man who was a widower or a divorcee of any age, who could do with a live-in companion.
For S$300 a month, she would move in with him as a part-time mistress and home minder.
In return she would earn extra money to add to her salary selling beer, as well as free board and lodging that she would otherwise have to spend on herself.
It’s mutually beneficial, since the man could have a companion-cum-domestic help at half the cost of a full-time maid (plus levy).
No contract, no marriage, no legal complications! It is temporary and no notice of termination is needed. “Just say goodbye and pack your bags’” she said.
How widespread such arrangements are is anyone’s guess, but it is believed to be on the rise, particularly in view of the severe downturn when jobs for the ladies are scarce.
According to agents importing Chinese workers, the practice has become popular among elderly Singaporeans who are living alone.
“These are lonely men whose wife has died or who are divorced, and their married children long gone, so the companionship is as important as the sex,” said one agent.
It is useful to eliminate the risk of lonely, vulnerable men being cheated by a foreign spouse.
Such cheating cases have been on the rise where the Chinese “wife” disappeared after she had emptied the man’s savings.
“Live-in” companionship is the latest practice to emerge from a society that is fast changing under the weight of an influx of foreign immigrants. While it is deemed harmful to the institution of marriage and family, there is, however, a growing acceptance that it does meet a pressing need of lonely old men.
“Since no marriage is involved, it doesn’t change Singapore’s family unit because these men live alone,” a retiree rationalised. “At least no one has to be cheated.”
The conservatives, however, disagree. “It just panders to the lecherous demands of the men,” said a housewife.
This issue of temporary mistresses and marriage scams in Singapore mostly involve Chinese mainlanders because of ethnic familiarity.
The tidal wave of arrivals in recent years – especially the women – has brought about tremendous social changes to this small island that are both good and bad.
It has added to a vibrancy never experienced before, but it has also created social friction among the locals, including family break-ups.
Their number is unknown. According to Tian Fu Club, a clan association formed by the mainlanders here, 300,000-400,000 Chinese have become citizens or permanent residents here.
Many are young women who have left families behind in rural China to come for that pot of gold after investing a small fortune in fees to agents to fix them a job or a “student” pass (there are 90,000 of the latter).
“These women are tough, determined and they believe that Singapore is rich,” said my friend, who once witnessed an angry exchange between two mainland factory workers.
One was furious with her friend for dating a China mainland man. “You are silly. You remember why we left our village to come here; it’s to earn money,” she rebuked her.
“How can you waste time with a penny-less ‘Ah Tong’ (slant for Chinese man)?” she wanted to know. “Get a Singaporean.”
The vast majority lives a decent, hard-working life and returns home when the time comes, but a minority falls prey to the temptation of easy money.
The best pickings can be found among lonely retirees who live alone on their Central Provident Fund retirement savings.
The CPF amount, however uninspiring to the locals – is a fortune in most parts of China. For that, a number of women will readily break hearts and families.
Worse still, the victim often gets no sympathy among fellow Singaporeans for his “lustful behaviour” chasing after young skirts.
One private investigator told the press that his company was getting more requests for help by wives here to investigate husbands who they suspect were keeping a China mistress.
On the average of 50 extramarital cases that his firm handled a month in the last two years, 20 would involve a “China student” as the third party.
In a recent reported case, one student-mistress lived off a stockbroker like a rich tai-tai for months, before leaving behind large credit card bills, a tearful wife and a broken marriage.
I can go on and on with such tales.
“They are giving a poor – I must say undeserved — image that Chinese women are home wreckers,” said the agent.
“The vast majority works hard to earn an honest living.”
Like all capitalistic pursuits here, this practice also stems from balancing supply and demand, which means the men must share the blame.
Professor Fu Tan-ming, a social behavioural analyst who is based in Beijing, noted that Chinese women with a history of suffering are more resilient than the men.
“They have a stubborn streak in them that propels them forward,” he said.
“They would not think twice about packing up their bags to begin life anew thousands of miles away from home. Why? It’s because they know they can survive.”
No contract, no marriage, no legal complications. The woman just moves in as part-time mistress and home minder.
Big Brother Chen, can you help me find a boyfriend as soon as possible?
This appeal was made to an old acquaintance of mine one recent night by a Chinese immigrant, who was working as a beer promoter.
For those unfamiliar with the latest social changes brought about by the influx of mainland Chinese here, the request might sound baffling, but not to my friend. He had heard it several times before.
What the middle-age lady wanted was to be introduced to a Singaporean man who was a widower or a divorcee of any age, who could do with a live-in companion.
For S$300 a month, she would move in with him as a part-time mistress and home minder.
In return she would earn extra money to add to her salary selling beer, as well as free board and lodging that she would otherwise have to spend on herself.
It’s mutually beneficial, since the man could have a companion-cum-domestic help at half the cost of a full-time maid (plus levy).
No contract, no marriage, no legal complications! It is temporary and no notice of termination is needed. “Just say goodbye and pack your bags’” she said.
How widespread such arrangements are is anyone’s guess, but it is believed to be on the rise, particularly in view of the severe downturn when jobs for the ladies are scarce.
According to agents importing Chinese workers, the practice has become popular among elderly Singaporeans who are living alone.
“These are lonely men whose wife has died or who are divorced, and their married children long gone, so the companionship is as important as the sex,” said one agent.
It is useful to eliminate the risk of lonely, vulnerable men being cheated by a foreign spouse.
Such cheating cases have been on the rise where the Chinese “wife” disappeared after she had emptied the man’s savings.
“Live-in” companionship is the latest practice to emerge from a society that is fast changing under the weight of an influx of foreign immigrants. While it is deemed harmful to the institution of marriage and family, there is, however, a growing acceptance that it does meet a pressing need of lonely old men.
“Since no marriage is involved, it doesn’t change Singapore’s family unit because these men live alone,” a retiree rationalised. “At least no one has to be cheated.”
The conservatives, however, disagree. “It just panders to the lecherous demands of the men,” said a housewife.
This issue of temporary mistresses and marriage scams in Singapore mostly involve Chinese mainlanders because of ethnic familiarity.
The tidal wave of arrivals in recent years – especially the women – has brought about tremendous social changes to this small island that are both good and bad.
It has added to a vibrancy never experienced before, but it has also created social friction among the locals, including family break-ups.
Their number is unknown. According to Tian Fu Club, a clan association formed by the mainlanders here, 300,000-400,000 Chinese have become citizens or permanent residents here.
Many are young women who have left families behind in rural China to come for that pot of gold after investing a small fortune in fees to agents to fix them a job or a “student” pass (there are 90,000 of the latter).
“These women are tough, determined and they believe that Singapore is rich,” said my friend, who once witnessed an angry exchange between two mainland factory workers.
One was furious with her friend for dating a China mainland man. “You are silly. You remember why we left our village to come here; it’s to earn money,” she rebuked her.
“How can you waste time with a penny-less ‘Ah Tong’ (slant for Chinese man)?” she wanted to know. “Get a Singaporean.”
The vast majority lives a decent, hard-working life and returns home when the time comes, but a minority falls prey to the temptation of easy money.
The best pickings can be found among lonely retirees who live alone on their Central Provident Fund retirement savings.
The CPF amount, however uninspiring to the locals – is a fortune in most parts of China. For that, a number of women will readily break hearts and families.
Worse still, the victim often gets no sympathy among fellow Singaporeans for his “lustful behaviour” chasing after young skirts.
One private investigator told the press that his company was getting more requests for help by wives here to investigate husbands who they suspect were keeping a China mistress.
On the average of 50 extramarital cases that his firm handled a month in the last two years, 20 would involve a “China student” as the third party.
In a recent reported case, one student-mistress lived off a stockbroker like a rich tai-tai for months, before leaving behind large credit card bills, a tearful wife and a broken marriage.
I can go on and on with such tales.
“They are giving a poor – I must say undeserved — image that Chinese women are home wreckers,” said the agent.
“The vast majority works hard to earn an honest living.”
Like all capitalistic pursuits here, this practice also stems from balancing supply and demand, which means the men must share the blame.
Professor Fu Tan-ming, a social behavioural analyst who is based in Beijing, noted that Chinese women with a history of suffering are more resilient than the men.
“They have a stubborn streak in them that propels them forward,” he said.
“They would not think twice about packing up their bags to begin life anew thousands of miles away from home. Why? It’s because they know they can survive.”
Source: The Star
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